


Almost Daughter

by Starship21ZedNA9



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Related, Grief/Mourning, Hunter's Funeral (Supernatural), M/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Post-Episode: s12e16 Ladies Drink Free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starship21ZedNA9/pseuds/Starship21ZedNA9
Summary: The cure for lycanthropy didn't work for Claire at the end of Ladies Drink Free.  Dean has to bring Castiel home with some devastating news.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jody Mills & Claire Novak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Almost Daughter

You need to get to Sioux Falls. Dean’s voicemail kept playing through Castiel’s head over and over again. Cas had never met Jody, but he knew where to go well enough. Dean and Sam thought very highly of her. Highly enough that they had trusted Claire to her. That was good enough for Cas. But, Dean’s message...it worried him. His voice had been tense and like he was barely holding it together. He had tried to call him back. There was no reply from him or from Sam. He’d gotten in his truck and headed straight for Sioux Falls as quickly as he could. Kelly Kline would have to wait. The pain in Dean’s voice put all thoughts of her and the coming nephilim out of his mind. 

He pulled into Jody’s driveway. The Impala was already there. Dean was pacing back and forth across the yard. He looked as if his feet were made of lead. The sky was thick with heavy, low clouds and the mist was coating everything in sight. Cas slowly got out of the cab. The sound of the truck door slamming made Dean jump and he turned towards him. If it were possible, Dean slumped even lower at the sight of him. He rubbed a hand across his mouth, as if he had to steel himself to speak to him.

Cas slowly walked toward him. Dean did the same. When he was in reach, Dean reached out a hand to grasp Cas’ shoulder. Cas leaned into the touch.

‘Come here, pal,’ Dean’s voice had that same thickness it had on the message.

‘Dean, what’s going on? What happened? What am I doing here? Where’s Sam?’

‘Sam’s fine. It’s...something happened, all right?’

Cas looked around, searching for some answer. Some sign of what was wrong. ‘What is it? Dean, tell me.’

Dean swallowed and dropped his hand. ‘It’s uh. We were on a hunt and Claire was there. And there was a werewolf and she uh, she got bit.’

Cas let the information sink in. Bit? Claire was a werewolf now? Okay, she could live with that. People lived with that. Dean and Sam had taught him that. That not all monsters were killers. It would be an adjustment but she could get through it. He would help her.

‘Where is she? She’s probably frightened and confused.’

Cas went to move past Dean and into the house but Dean stopped him with a firm hand on his chest. ‘Cas, wait. It’s not what you’re thinking. She is here but she’s...Cas, she’s gone. She didn’t make it. I, I am so sorry.’

Cas froze. That didn’t make sense. It just didn’t. ‘No that’s. How? She turned and you? Did you kill her? She could have lived with it!’

Dean held up his hands in surrender. ‘It wasn’t like that. We didn’t kill her. We tried to tell her she could make it. But, she didn’t want that. She said she wouldn’t be able to control it. We had a shot at a cure. She wanted to try it, but it didn’t work and she just couldn’t make it through it.’ Dean’s voice finally broke at the end and he stifled a sob.

Cas felt like the world was suddenly spinning much faster. He was having trouble keeping his balance. Dean reached forward to help steady him but Cas pulled away. Dean’s touch, something he always ached for, he couldn’t take it after that news. Dean drew back, looking hurt. 

‘You shouldn’t have let her do that! You should have brought her home and then called me.’

‘You’re not exactly known for answering your phone,’ Dean shot back.

‘She was a child, Dean! And you let her choose to end her life,’ he screamed.

‘She wasn’t a child, Cas. She was 20. She had a right to choose. I tried to talk her out of it. Believe me, I tried. But, I couldn’t force her. And she didn’t choose to die. She went for a cure. It just didn’t work. All right? And I am so sorry it happened the way it did. If I could change it, take her place, I would.’

‘But, you can’t!’

They stood in silence. The pain and the fury hanging between them. There was nothing Dean could say to make it better and Cas was afraid he would say something unforgivable to Dean if he said anything more. 

He fought for control before he finally asked, ‘where is she?’

‘Inside. Come on.’

Dean led him inside, careful to keep his distance. The house felt just as cold as the yard had. A girl Cas had never seen before sat on the couch. She was young and had long dark hair. She was crying, holding herself and just letting her tears flow.

Dean looked at her, sympathetically before leading Cas deeper into the house. Down the hall and to a back bedroom, where Sam was leaning against the door. He looked as solemn as he ever did.

‘Cas,’ he greeted. ‘We’re so sorry. It just, it got out of control.’

‘Is she in there,’ Cas ignored Sam’s apologies.

Sam nodded, ‘Jody’s with her. She wanted some time. But, I’m sure she’ll understand if you need to see the bo- if you need to see Claire.’

Cas slumped over, the wall catching him. He felt like the wind was knocked out of him, even though he didn’t need to breathe. 

‘What was this cure? I’ve never heard of a cure for lycanthropy,’ he demanded of them.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look, trying to decide who was going to try and explain. Sam took pity on his brother and spoke up. 

‘It was very experimental. The Men of Letters had a formula. But, it was never successful on a human. She knew that, Cas. She insisted on trying anyway.’

Cas looked back and forth at the brothers. ‘Why would she do that?’

‘Cas, she didn’t want to hurt anybody. Not ever. Even a small chance that she would was too big of a chance for her. This was her trying to protect people. She was a hero, Cas,’ said Sam.

Cas was silent, letting all the information wash over him. Dean stepped closer to him once again, not touching him, but keeping his voice low as he told him, ‘I know it’s not the same, but we cared for her too.’

He knew that was true. Dean had a remarkable capacity for love and he had cared for Claire, at first for Castiel’s sake, but Cas suspected that it soon grew beyond that and he loved her for her own sake. She even reminded him of Dean in so many ways. In her courage and stubbornness. In her drive and attitude. It made Cas love her just a little more fiercely. But, he wasn’t ready to tell Dean any of that.

‘I’m ready to see her now.’

Sam knocked lightly on the bedroom door. ‘Jody. Castiel is here. Can he come in?’

There was silence for a moment before a tearful voice answered, ‘he can come in.’

Castiel opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the brothers out. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself before turning. There she was. Claire, lying lifeless in the middle of the made bed. Her blond hair haloed her pale, slack face. Her lips were tinged blue and slightly parted, revealing the sharp teeth of a werewolf. The rest of her was grey. One hand lay, limply across her unmoving stomach. Black, wolf claws were where her manicured nails should have been. A few traces of blood still clung to her neck, even though it had been mostly washed off. Her eyes were closed and she very nearly looked peaceful, but Cas knew better. Claire’s other hand was being held tightly by an older woman, kneeling at the side of the bed. Her soft weeping was the only sound in the room. Her head was bowed, her shoulders shook, and she rocked slowly back and forth, placing desperate kisses to Claire’s hand. Of course, the girl made no movement.

‘Jody,’ Cas said.

The woman lifted her head. Her eyes were red and her face was stained with tears. ‘You must be Castiel,’ she choked out.

He nodded before turning his gaze back to Claire. He gingerly sat on the side of the bed. It dipped and he reached out to place his hand over Claire’s. Her skin was cold and his heart clenched. He felt tears spring to his eyes and his vision blurred.

‘I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, especially since we’ve never met but I did care for her. I tried so hard to make things right. I took her father and ruined her life. I, inadvertently, dragged her into all of this. This is my doing. I promised I would be there for her and I wasn’t. And now she’s gone.’

Jody wiped her eyes and went around the bed to Cas’ side and hugged him. He froze for a moment before hugging her back. They held each other tightly, two parents who had never met, but mourned the same child. Cas squeezed tightly and let her cry into his coat.

‘You knew Claire. The most stubborn girl I’ve ever met. No one could tell her what to do and no one could change her mind. I tried. Believe me, I did. She was determined. She wanted to hunt. I, um, I slapped Sam when they got here. When they told me. I screamed at both of them. But, it’s not their fault any more than it’s yours.’

‘Or yours,’ he said as he pulled back and held her at arm’s length.

Jody gave him a watery smile and nodded. She wiped the tears from her face. ‘This is the second child I’ve had to bury. Did you know that?’

Cas hadn’t known. ‘No. I’m so sorry.’

‘Yeah. I got to go check on Alex. I need to make sure she’s all right. You, um, take your time.’ 

She squeezed his hand once before leaving the room, closing the door to give him his privacy.  
Cas turned back to Claire. The hand Jody had been holding lay hanging over the side. Cas gently picked it up and placed it over her other hand across her stomach. 

‘Claire, I’m sorry. I did this to you. I was thoughtless with you. I never intended to hurt you but that’s no excuse. I thought that you could start over here and be safe. I shouldn’t have left you. It seems that everything I do ends badly and other people pay the price. My intentions are good but, that’s also not an excuse for hurting the people I love. I’ve hurt Dean and I’ve hurt Sam. And now I’ve let you down in the worst way.’

The silence that answered him broke his heart a little more. Claire would always talk back to him. She wasn’t afraid of him. She was fearless. Cas supposed she’d had to be. She’d had to grow up so fast after losing her parents. And yet she had still been so young. Too young to be lying here, dead. For all that Cas loved humanity, he seemed to keep letting them down. He had let Dean down more times than he could count. And Sam. And now Claire, the lost girl he had sought out to make things better. The girl he swore he’d make things right for and then he’d left her again. Once again, he’d been too distracted by his own missions. He didn’t protect her. He’d promised Jimmy Novak he would keep his family safe and now that family was gone. Another failure to add to his long list.

But, even if she had lived to a hundred years old, wouldn’t she still be too young in his eyes? Castiel could live a millenia or more. Humanity itself was still in its infancy compared to him. And yet he had gotten himself attached to them anyway. Claire would always be a blip in time for him. And even Dean. Castiel had fought for Dean’s life many times but in the end he would still lose him. To angels and demons. To time. It didn’t matter. The end result was the same and Castiel would carry on. With no friends. No family. He would outlive them all. And even for the short time that he had them, he still couldn’t keep them safe.

‘Forgive me,’ he said as he finally let a few tears fall. ‘Please. I would give my life to bring you back. To bring back your parents and for you all to have the life you deserved.’

He allowed himself to cry for a while. He wasn’t sure how long. He finally composed himself enough to stand. Before leaving, he bent over to brush her long hair back and placed a kiss on her forehead.

He found everyone else in the living room. Jody sat with her arm around the long haired girl on the couch. Alex, Cas presumed. They were both still quietly crying. Sam was sitting in a large chair beside them, hands folded and head bowed. Dean was leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed. He noticed Cas first.

‘Hey,’ he uncrossed his arms and made like he wanted to move toward him but he stayed where he was. ‘You okay?’

‘No. Of course not.’ Dean looked down again.

Alex spoke up, ‘what are we gonna do with her? I mean, what’s the right thing?’ Jody pulled her closer and rubbed her hand in a soothing motion up and down the girl’s arm.

‘Hunter’s funeral,’ Dean said. ‘She earned it.’

Cas met Dean’s eyes. There was pain there. Pain and a desperation to do something. To fix this. As if it was something Dean could fix. Cas looked over at Jody who nodded at him. If Jody agreed, then that’s what they would do. He was sure it would have been what Claire wanted too. 

Jody hugged Alex close one more time and then she stood. ‘You boys go build the pyre. I’ll get her ready.’ She headed down the hall. She stopped halfway and turned back to Cas. ‘Do you want to help me,’ she asked him.

Cas was touched by the offer. ‘Yes, I would like to help in any way I can.’

‘Come with me.’ 

Cas didn’t know why, but he looked to Dean then. Waiting for permission, perhaps, even though he didn’t need it. Dean smiled weakly in return. ‘Go ahead, Cas. Me and Sam will take care of the rest.’

Cas followed Jody back to where the young woman who was very nearly his daughter lay. They worked carefully but swiftly, trying to hold their emotions at bay. Jody broke once, collapsing on the floor after they had fully wrapped Clair’s body. Cas sat down next to her, his hand on her back until she was ready to move again.

‘We’re not her parents,’ said Jody, brokenly.

‘No, but we did love her and she loved us. Does anything else matter?’

‘No, it doesn’t. She had a hard life. A real hard life and I just hope that for the time she was with me, it was a little easier.’

Cas was sure that it had been easier. Claire had texted him on occasion and it was obvious that she felt lighter and not so burdened and in pain anymore. Cas couldn’t take credit for that. That was all Jody and Alex. A mother and sister.

‘Allow me to carry her out.’ 

Cas pulled Jody to her feet and then scooped up Claire. She felt so small in his arms and for a moment, he imagined Jimmy holding her as a newborn. A proud father welcoming a new life into the world. And now Castiel was holding her broken body, helping her pass on to the next life. He carried her outside with Jody and Alex following close behind him. The boys had set up the pyre and Cas placed her on top. He hesitated to pull his hands away. It would be the last time he, or anyone, would touch her. It would truly be letting her go. Jody appeared at his side and gave him another watery smile.

‘We never could make her stay.’ A strangled cry escaped from him and he let his child go. 

He stood back while Dean poured the gasoline. Once he was finished, he fished a lighter out of his pocket. He held it in his hand for a moment, closing his eyes. Then he turned and offered it to Cas and Jody. 

‘It should be one of you.’ Jody stepped forward and accepted the lighter. 

‘Wait,’ Alex came up to them, clutching something in her arms. She thrust that stuffed cat that Cas had bought for her birthday two years ago.

‘She would never admit it but she loved this stupid thing. I think it should go with her.’ Jody hugged Alex, who held her back tightly. When they parted, Jody took the cat and placed it on the pyre next to Claire. She flicked the lighter and Cas watched the small flame dance in the cold wind before Jody threw it and the pyre lit up.

Jody began openly weeping again. Alex went to comfort her and they both sank to the ground. Sam came up to them, wanting to offer support but unsure if he was welcome. Jody reached up to him and took his hand, tugging him down with them. He sat with them and put his arms around both women. 

Cas just stood still, unable to take his eyes off the fire. He sensed Dean at his side. He didn’t look over at him. He couldn’t help the anger he still felt towards Dean. He knew it wasn’t Dean’s fault. He knew that Dean would trade places with Claire in a heartbeat. Still, Claire died on his watch. 

‘Look, I get that you hate me and that’s fine. I deserve it-’

‘Never,’ Cas cut him off. He turned to look Dean in the eyes. ‘I could never hate you Dean.’

Dean looked like he didn’t know what to do with that statement. Like he had been expecting more fury and vitriol from Cas. Almost like he wanted it. Dean opened his mouth a couple of times, struggling to find the words.

‘All right, fine. But you’re pissed. You should be. I know how hard you tried to help fix her life. One hunt with me and she’s dead.’

‘Dean, you didn’t get her killed. You honored her wishes. You did what she asked. And most importantly, you were there. You were there for her when I wasn’t. It was my responsibility to look out for her, not yours. I took away Jimmy. I couldn’t save Amelia. And I wasn’t there for Claire after I promised that I would be. I failed.’

Dean laid a hand on his shoulder just as he had when Cas first arrived at Jody’s house. Cas turned into him and hugged him. Dean was whole and solid and warm against him. Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s jacket. Dean was shocked for a moment but as soon as sobs began wracking Cas’ smaller frame, he hugged back. 

‘You didn’t fail, Cas. She had a home and a family again because of you. She wasn’t alone anymore because of you. I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.’

Cas didn’t answer. He just held on to the man who tethered him to the earth. The man who made him fall in love with humanity. 

The group watched until the flames dimmed down and the sun set.

Back inside, Dean busied himself making dinner in the kitchen. Cas stood in there with him, smiling slightly to himself. He loved the way Dean needed to care for others in any small way that he could. 

‘Cas, you like eggs scrambled or fried?’

‘Dean, you know I don’t need to eat.’

Dean turned to him, looking a little desperate. ‘Yeah, but it won’t kill you, will it?’

Cas studied him, tilting his head. ‘No, it won’t.’

Dean nodded, like that settled it. ‘Good. Then let me do this for you. Let me just take care of you, of everybody.’

Dean wrung his hands around the dish towel he was holding. Cas recognized how helpless Dean felt. He was familiar with the feeling. He tried to picture it. Dean watching and waiting while this unknown cure burned its way through Claire’s body. Cas didn’t know if she had been in pain and he was too afraid to ask Even so, Dean would have been able to do nothing as she slipped out of his grasp. And Dean had held on to too many people as they departed this world.

‘All right, Dean. I’ll have them the way that you have them.’ Dean let a broken smile pass over his face.

‘Okay. Hey, do you want to come help me? I can show you how to do it.’

Dean was reaching out to him. But, Cas wasn’t ready to meet him there just yet. ‘I’d like to just watch you.’

Dean deflated for a moment before puffing himself back up, ‘yeah, you always do. It’s a little creepy, Cas.’

Dean focused again on his task and Cas watched his sure hands work. He looked back to the living room. Alex was lying down on the couch, her head in Jody’s lap. Jody stroked the girl’s hair. Sam was speaking to them, eliciting chuckles from the women. It was good to see Jody smile. It wasn’t lost on Cas that it was his doing that brought Claire into her life and had now caused her even more grief. 

‘Cas.’ Dean broke him out of his thoughts. ‘Are you, uh, what are you gonna do? I mean are you gonna come home? Because it is your home, you know that, don’t you? I can give you space. All the space you need, if you want to come back. You’ll never even see me if that’s what you want.’

Cas couldn’t seem to meet Dean’s eyes. He never wanted to leave Dean, but he always seemed to have something pulling him away. The universe didn’t care what he wanted. 

‘Dean, I can’t. There’s one thing left I can still do for Claire and I’m going to do it.’

Dean pushed down that disappointed look again. ‘Okay. What about us? Are we okay? I mean, like I said, I get it if we’re not. I deserve it. But, don’t shut yourself out from everyone, okay? At least talk to Sam.’

‘Dean,’ Dean waited, willing him to go on. ‘I still have to find Kelly Kline.’

Dean sighed and leaned his hands heavily on the counter. ‘Cas, come on. You can take a few days off. I mean, this, this is a hit for all of us, especially for you. I know what she meant to you. You can’t just...ignore it.’

‘I’m not trying to ignore it. But, it is important that she be found. And when I look at you...right now when I look at you, I see Claire.’

Dean tried not to let the statement knock the wind out of him. ‘Right. Okay.’

‘I won’t forever. But, it’s difficult now.’

‘Yeah. It’s fresh and it was on my watch.’

‘Dean, when I was dying, I told you that I loved you. I meant that. I mean it, still. It will hold true for me forever. Please, don’t doubt that.’

Part of Cas wanted to take Dean in his arms again. To feel his heartbeat against his chest. His breath on his neck. The warmth of his skin. But, what he’d told Dean hadn’t been a lie. It was difficult to look at Dean without picturing Claire, grey and lifeless. 

‘I know she wasn’t your daughter but you felt that connection anyway. If anything ever happened to Sam, I would,’ Dean smirked, ‘well, I guess you already know what I’d do if anything happened to Sam. So, you do what you gotta do but please, please, don’t do anything stupid. Don’t get yourself dead.’

‘I won’t. I’ll stay here tonight and watch over you. Watch over all of you and then I have to go.’

Dean looked down and away in the way that told Cas that he was trying so hard to be okay with things. To not appear too vulnerable. 

‘Well, then I guess we’d better make tonight count.’

And they did. The five of them sat around the table, eating, drinking, and sharing memories of Claire late into the night. They were able to smile and even laugh. Castiel even laughed. It brought him a measure of comfort to see these lives that Claire had touched. To see that these people had loved her and she did have the family that Castiel had once taken from her. Cas ate his eggs, even though they had no flavor. He did it for Dean. He caught Dean glancing at him more than once and the man’s eyes lit up when he saw Castiel take a bite. Jody thanked him and the boys for bringing Claire into her life. Alex declared her a sister. Sam and Dean shared a look at that. The brothers spoke of her bravery and resolve with respect. Cas was content to stay silent and listen to everyone else. He learned things about Claire that he hadn’t known before. He saw sides of her he hadn’t seen before. Things he might have known if he had stuck around or at least visited her more often. 

One by one, the group dispersed. Overcome by exhaustion, they went to bed. Dean was the last to leave. Taking a long look at Cas, ‘you’ll be gone in the morning?’

Cas nodded, sadly. ‘Yes. But, I made you a promise, Dean. I intend to keep it.’

‘Okay. Take care of yourself.’

‘You too.’

Dean left the light on for him and disappeared down the hall. Castiel sat in front of the window and watched the moon set and the sun rise. The sky faded from a dark blue to light pinks and oranges. All the years he’d lived and all that he had seen, he still found the sight beautiful. When the sun was high enough, he grabbed his keys and left Sioux Falls. 

Thoughts of Claire and Jimmy and Amelia carried him to the playground. To the portal to heaven. The guards took pity on him and granted him access. Despite all the chaos he’d caused heaven and his brethren, he still had his supporters.

He found Claire’s heaven. She was sitting in her childhood room, a stuffed bear held tightly in her arms.

‘Claire.’

She looked up. ‘Castiel. You’re here.’

He took in the sight of her. Awake and moving and bright. He let fresh tears fall. He stepped up to embrace her, happy when she held him back just as tightly.

‘Oh, Claire. I am so sorry you’re here. You’re too young to be here.’

She pulled back and put on a brave face. ‘I’d rather have gone out like I did than risk hurting anyone else. That’s not what I wanted. It was my choice.’

‘I know. But, it’s one you shouldn’t have had to make.’

She shrugged and tucked her hair behind her ear. ‘So, is this just a wellness check?’

He remembered why he came. ‘No, Claire, I’m here for a reason. Your parents are here. They share a heaven and I want to take you to them.’

Claire lit up, ‘you can do that? Take me to them? Like, forever?’

‘I can. Take my hand, Claire.’

She didn’t hesitate. In an instant they were downstairs in the entryway of her old home. Claire looked around, confused. ‘We’re just downstairs.’

Castiel gestured behind her.

‘Claire?’

Claire froze. She hadn’t heard that voice in so long. She kept her gaze on Cas, uncertainty in her eyes. He smiled reassuringly and she slowly turned.

‘Daddy?’

Her parents stood at the top of the stairs, both healthy and whole and looking at her like she was the whole world. Claire ran up the stairs at the same time Jimmy and Amelia ran down. The family met in the middle in a tight hug. Cas heard them crying and talking over each other. The I love yous and I’m so sorrys from all three of them. 

Jimmy pulled back and put his hands on either side of his child’s face. ‘Oh, baby. Look at you. I’m so proud.’

‘I missed you so much,’ the girl said between chokes.

The pain and grief Cas had been feeling lessened at the sight of the Novak family all together again. He started to leave. 

‘Cas.’

He stopped when Claire called out to him. She was facing him from the stairs, her parents one step behind her.

‘Thanks, Cas.’

He didn’t feel worthy of thanks. All he had done was reunite a family that should never have been separated and they’d all had their time on earth cut short. But, this wasn’t about him. 

‘You’re welcome. Goodbye, Claire. Be at peace. All of you.’

He left the Novak family, secure in the knowledge that they were safe and together. He would leave them all in peace. He’d disturbed them quite enough. Besides, he had his own family to get home to.


End file.
